Being Present
Don't make your family compete with your phone for attention
The biggest addiction we have in society today, is our phones.
It has become so bad, that now we have watches that will notify us when our phone gets a call, text, email or a notification from one of the numerous apps we have. So if we aren’t driving, walking, or sitting with it up to our face, the watches will now tell us to put it back up to our face.
We’re always going to have the constant distractions. Every company in the world is marketing at us at every turn. Our screens are filled with advertising and things to keep us watching or scrolling. Everyone is trying to balance work, their personal lives and FOMO (Fear of missing out). Our minds are worrying and constantly thinking about our to-do lists. It all prevents us from being fully present in the here and now.
Work, what I had to do tomorrow and whatever else was running through my mind was preventing me from being fully present at times in my life. It turned out my wife was asking me if I remembered her telling me this and that? I wasn't remembering it.
At first I laughed about it and shrugged it off. We’ve all heard it, a husband not listening to his wife. Sadly, I wasn’t even aware that I was not paying attention to our conversations. I realized I was there in body but wasn’t fully present and listening. At times I must have seemed like a zombie.
I’d recall the converstions but not what was really said. I wasn’t fully focused and my attention was not there. I was not listening. It was a bit embarrassing and I needed to improve it. So I made steps to fix it.
Out of the room went my phone. Especially at dinner time. I had to create separation from my phone. Eliminating the distraction altogether was very important. It sounds easy to do, but I know friends who really struggle with this. It’s a hard addiction to break and takes time.
At a certain time in the evening and also before bed, we turn off the TV and electronic devices. This is very important not just for kids but also for the adults.
Have conversation. Talk with your family, spouse and kids. Play games and have some interaction. Phones, TV and electronic devices isolate yourself to the screen.
Then test yourself. At the end of the day, ask yourself the following;
What did we eat and discuss at breakfast, lunch or dinner?
What do you remember about the conversations with your spouse and kids? What funny or goofy thing did the kids do that made everyone laugh?
If you’re not instantly remembering, then you’re in zombie mode. Wake up and snap out of it.
Turn off distractions. Be present and in the moment. Pay attention, participate and connect. Get off autopilot.
Tim Urban laid out the human lifespan visually in his post, The Tail End. This post had a profound impact on me. I think about it often. Take a moment and read the entire post. Below are two parts that have stuck with me.
No matter what your age, you may, without realizing it, be enjoying the very last chapter of the relationships that matter most to you. Make it count.
It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.
Contrary to what everyone would like to do, we can't slow down time. The clock ticks and will always continue to tick. Call or go see your parents, grandparents, and kids. Time is shorter than you think.
The competition for our time is fierce. Everyone is fighting for it. Who gets your undivided attention is up to you. Don’t make your kids or family compete for it too.
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